Love this thoughtful post! I have a few reactions:
1) Have you read Thick by Tressie McMillan Cottom? I really appreciate how Cottom takes the approach of deconstructing the notion that beauty should be important at all. One thing I've tried to do is really just not value my appearance or even pay attention to it. For the most part it works, like divesting from looking at myself in the mirror, or taking selfies, etc. Not because I'm ashamed of my appearance, rather because I have more important things to focus on (or things that align more closely with my values).
2) I think it's so interesting your point: "Conceptually, I know it’s not their fault, it’s the system." This sentence reminded me of Rebecca Traister's We Were Feminists Once. I agree about the importance of naming the system (e.g., capitalism, patriarchy, etc.) and at the same time I feel like the system is comprised of individuals who make choices on their day to day which then either uphold or dismantle the system. I like the compassion of not only focusing on the individual and at the same time think focusing on the individual can increase accountability.
3) Random but have you read Drinking by Caroline Knapp? When you mentioned quit lit I immediately thought of that.
Anyway, thoughtful post and it provoked many reactions from me! Thank you for sharing vulnerably (:
1) I just read "On Beauty" from Thick but honestly found it too dense to really absorb what she was trying to say (maybe I am just not smart enough to read her essays). It was a reminder that beauty and whiteness are intrinsically linked but I didn't come away with the message that beauty should not be important.
Do you think that you (a male) and I (a female) have the same amount "to lose" by refusing to focus on our external appearance? I would love to focus on other things but as Cottom implies, I would lose capital and you would not.
Two quotes really struck me:
"Beauty is not good capital. It compounds the oppression of gender. It constrains those who identify as women against their will. It costs money and demands money. It colonizes. It hurts. It is painful. It can never be fully satisfied. It is not useful for human flourishing. Beauty is, like all capital, merely valuable."
"They need me to believe beauty is both achievable and individual, because the alternative makes them vulnerable. If you did not earn beauty, never had the real power to reject it, then you are as much a vulnerable subject as I am in your own way. Deal with that rather than dealing with me. Compared with the forms of oppression they can now see via their proximity to me, it may seem to privileged people that it is easier to fix me than it is to fix the world. I live to disabuse people of that notion."
In Sarah Levy's "Drinking Games," she comes to the conclusion that how you dress is a reflection of how much you value yourself. What do you think of this?
"Learning to get dressed wasn’t about hiding or changing myself; it was an act of self-love, an amends for all the years of neglect."
"Clothes are just one way society teaches us to present ourselves, and our choices signal how we want to be perceived to the outside world."
I lump clothing in the larger "beauty/wellness/health" category. Is neglecting my physical appearance a lack of self love and self respect?
2) I can only find Andi Zeisler's "We Were Feminists Once," was there a book by Rebecca Traister that I should also add to my TBR list?
Have you read "My Body" by Emily Ratajkowski? I found it very hard to reconcile because she upholds the current problematic system by selling her sexuality, but she also maintains that she can be a feminist and be sexy. As the Atlantic put it, "The model and actor’s new book of essays is a fascinatingly solipsistic portrait of the tension between empowerment and objectification."
3) I read "Drinking: A Love Story" by Caroline Knapp back when I first got sober in 2014. It was one of my bibles. I haven't read it since and am now inspired to pick it back up!
I really value your opinion and appreciate your thought-provoking comment!
Love this thoughtful post! I have a few reactions:
1) Have you read Thick by Tressie McMillan Cottom? I really appreciate how Cottom takes the approach of deconstructing the notion that beauty should be important at all. One thing I've tried to do is really just not value my appearance or even pay attention to it. For the most part it works, like divesting from looking at myself in the mirror, or taking selfies, etc. Not because I'm ashamed of my appearance, rather because I have more important things to focus on (or things that align more closely with my values).
2) I think it's so interesting your point: "Conceptually, I know it’s not their fault, it’s the system." This sentence reminded me of Rebecca Traister's We Were Feminists Once. I agree about the importance of naming the system (e.g., capitalism, patriarchy, etc.) and at the same time I feel like the system is comprised of individuals who make choices on their day to day which then either uphold or dismantle the system. I like the compassion of not only focusing on the individual and at the same time think focusing on the individual can increase accountability.
3) Random but have you read Drinking by Caroline Knapp? When you mentioned quit lit I immediately thought of that.
Anyway, thoughtful post and it provoked many reactions from me! Thank you for sharing vulnerably (:
Thank you for your comment, Thomas!
1) I just read "On Beauty" from Thick but honestly found it too dense to really absorb what she was trying to say (maybe I am just not smart enough to read her essays). It was a reminder that beauty and whiteness are intrinsically linked but I didn't come away with the message that beauty should not be important.
Do you think that you (a male) and I (a female) have the same amount "to lose" by refusing to focus on our external appearance? I would love to focus on other things but as Cottom implies, I would lose capital and you would not.
Two quotes really struck me:
"Beauty is not good capital. It compounds the oppression of gender. It constrains those who identify as women against their will. It costs money and demands money. It colonizes. It hurts. It is painful. It can never be fully satisfied. It is not useful for human flourishing. Beauty is, like all capital, merely valuable."
"They need me to believe beauty is both achievable and individual, because the alternative makes them vulnerable. If you did not earn beauty, never had the real power to reject it, then you are as much a vulnerable subject as I am in your own way. Deal with that rather than dealing with me. Compared with the forms of oppression they can now see via their proximity to me, it may seem to privileged people that it is easier to fix me than it is to fix the world. I live to disabuse people of that notion."
In Sarah Levy's "Drinking Games," she comes to the conclusion that how you dress is a reflection of how much you value yourself. What do you think of this?
"Learning to get dressed wasn’t about hiding or changing myself; it was an act of self-love, an amends for all the years of neglect."
"Clothes are just one way society teaches us to present ourselves, and our choices signal how we want to be perceived to the outside world."
I lump clothing in the larger "beauty/wellness/health" category. Is neglecting my physical appearance a lack of self love and self respect?
2) I can only find Andi Zeisler's "We Were Feminists Once," was there a book by Rebecca Traister that I should also add to my TBR list?
Have you read "My Body" by Emily Ratajkowski? I found it very hard to reconcile because she upholds the current problematic system by selling her sexuality, but she also maintains that she can be a feminist and be sexy. As the Atlantic put it, "The model and actor’s new book of essays is a fascinatingly solipsistic portrait of the tension between empowerment and objectification."
3) I read "Drinking: A Love Story" by Caroline Knapp back when I first got sober in 2014. It was one of my bibles. I haven't read it since and am now inspired to pick it back up!
I really value your opinion and appreciate your thought-provoking comment!