Hello! I have been very MIA lately. For the past few months, my desire to write or produce anything creative has been 0%. I process my feelings via writing so I have felt very discombobulated!
I am sort of in denial that it is 2024. Partly because I spent New Year’s Eve at a wedding which required me to fly across the county on December 29th. Due to United’s ineptitude, our journey resulted in two layovers (both ways) and I lost a piece of my soul during those travel days that I might never get back. This means I did not have the bandwidth to be the sentimental little bean that I like to be. I have yet to reflect on 2023.
My Substack inbox was overflowing with year-end recaps and I COULD NOT TAKE IT! Yesterday I unsubscribed from 20 Substack subscriptions and I feel 50 pounds lighter! My toxic trait is subscribing to too many newsletters and then feeling haunted by the unopened missives. No more!
Q4 was hard for me. My seasonal depression manifested itself even though I like to pretend I only suffered from this affliction when I lived in Portland and it rained 24/7. Winter is cold. I don’t like being cold. Therefore I don’t go outside much during the winter. I am not nuts about skiing (don’t yell at me people! I’m still allowed to live in Bend). I spent a lot of time curled up on the couch under a blanket.
We spent Christmas with my family from December 22nd through the 26th here in Central Oregon. My parents rented a cabin at a resort near my house. My brother drove in from Colorado. My dog loves my brother more than me so my dog ignored me until yesterday when my brother left town. It feels nice to have a dog again.
It was a pretty uneventful holiday season, which is positive for me. Two years ago, my mom and I GOT INTO IT, so I approach extended periods of time with my parents with trepidation.
I read a decent amount of books in 2023. In the past, I have used the quantity of annual books read as a metric of how intelligent I am. This feels bad. I am trying to let go of this metric but when I looked at my Goodreads year in review and saw that I had read more books over the last 3 years, I felt like a slacker.
I read some great (and not-so-great) books! I will complain about Goodreads to anyone who will listen. I am ecstatic about Spotify rolling out audiobooks! I have griped about how terrible Goodreads book recommendations are. If you finish a book and hate it (give it 1 or 2 stars), GR will still give you recommendations because you read that book. Why would I want to read more books like the one I hated? I got into a debate with a woman in my (ex) book club about how terrible GR is. She said I just wasn’t using it right…Pulls out hair.
Here are 5 of my recommendations with blurbs from my GR reviews:
“My Nemesis” by Charmaine Craig - Loved every minute of it. So much to ponder. The main character is flawed and selfish and I worry I am her. Isn't that what books are all about? Seeing ourselves reflected back? This book had so many delicious quotes.
“Natural Beauty” by Ling Ling Huang - I couldn’t put it down! It’s too close to home…So disturbing to see our culture’s obsession with beauty, youth and wellness so bluntly laid out. Makes me want to jettison the spendy tinctures in my bathroom (and I only have a few!) I have always felt deeply flawed for not having a skincare routine. I don’t know what a toner is. I put expensive oil on my face and then slather on some cheap Alba Botanica moisturizer. Am I doing it right?
“Yellowface” by R.F. Kuang - Engrossing! Is this a satire of “American dirt”? Or is that just a dumb white woman’s interpretation? Made very weary of traditional publishing! This analysis is 👌🏻👌🏻👌🏻 But also this interview with the author is important!
“BFF: A Memoir of Friendship Lost and Found” by Christie Tate - I enjoyed her first book, “Group” (even though it was annoying because she was OBSESSED with finding a man and it got OLD and her therapist sounds incredibly problematic…) because she gave a voice to a lot of thoughts that make me feel defective for feeling. It is nice to read the petty stuff - she fully admits to friendship jealousy and judgment that I feel like I am not supposed to feel. It brought up lots of uncomfortable stuff about my friendship breakups…
“Between Two Kingdoms: A Memoir of a Life Interrupted” by Suleika Jaouad - This memoir is achingly beautiful. The writing is like butter. I haven’t watched Netflix’s “American Symphony” but this is Jon Batiste’s wife’s memoir. I read this book without knowing that fact and she kept mentioning Jon. Once I finished and looked her up I was like “Jon Batiste???!” Talented duo right there.
How do you find book recommendations and decide what to read next? I’d love to know.
Earlier this year, I wrote a post after reading “Natural Beauty.” Six months later, I can say that I have done a decent job at unpacking my relationship with and stepping back from participating in the Industrial Beauty Complex. I’ve decided to stop dying my hair. I’m embracing my natural curls. I’ve stopped wearing makeup. Jessica DeFino told me to stop dermaplaning my face. I rarely shaved my legs this summer (a move that displeased my husband). Essentially, I stopped doing all of the beauty maintenance that I felt obligated to once do.
I’m trying to spend less of my time consumed by my weight. This one feels insurmountable.
I’m trying to stop weaponizing femininity against myself. I am not good at interior design. This one is actually harder to dismantle than standardized beauty! It feels like a major failure of womanhood.
A golden nugget of 2023: My Artist’s Way group.
In October 2022, I bought watercolor pens that I never use. In February, I randomly felt like making something. I used one of my favorite quotes from The Artist's Way (which I wasn't reading at the time). Two days later, a woman posted on Facebook that they were starting a free 12-week workshop on the book The Artist's Way by Julia Cameron. I decided to check it out and the women that I met in March still meet weekly today!
This group has been so refreshing! There are about 7 of us that regularly get together and we are from all different ages and walks of life. Until this point, I did not have many intergenerational friends. I’ve struggled to make long-term friends as an adult. The friends at my wedding were all from high school or college. Each member of the group is creative in different ways. We usually go around and share what’s going on with each of us and it’s often the highlight of my week. These women have helped me embrace my inner witchiness! We had a little celebration for the summer and winter solstices.
I had aspirations of examining the themes of this year/things that I’m proud of but I am tired so I’m signing off. TTFN!
Despite Goodread's issues, I appreciate the ability to easily find a book and add it to my "To Read" list, which is what I did with several of these. Thanks for sharing.
I'm so glad we found one another! I agree, the group has been a highlight of the year. IT's been fun to get to know you and watch your journey.