Grad School Crash and Burn

How trying to become a mental health counselor destroyed my mental health

This post is very long. It brings me too much rage to go through and refine it. It’s not my best writing, but it’s the tea about grad school for those who have been wondering how it’s going…TLDR: NOT GOOD.

It’s 4:40am on Friday, May 30th. I have been consumed with what happened to me on 3/17 for the last 75 days. It has kept me up at night for a long time. Too long. I am going to release this negativity from my life. I will do my best not to carry it into June.

I started grad school at OSU Cascades on June 24th, 2024. I was almost 8 months pregnant at the time. My school is on the quarter system. In 2024, the summer term was condensed into two back-to-back 4-week sessions (8 weeks total). I took two classes during the first session (one class on Monday/Wednesday and another on Tuesday/Thursday). Each class was 4 hours long (4-8 pm). The second session was only one class (still 4 hours long but only on Tuesday/Thursday). All other quarters, aside from summer (fall, winter, spring), are 10 weeks long, and class is once a week.

There are only 4 main faculty members at OSU Cascades, two for Clinical Mental Health Counseling (CMHC, this is my “track”) and two for School Counselors (SC).

During the first session, my Mon/Wed class was Ethics (Counseling Identity, Practice, and Ethics) with an adjunct professor. My Tu/Th class was Human Development (Developmental Perspectives in Counseling) with one of the CMHC instructors. I believe she is a current PhD student working with OSU on a limited contract. The class during the second session was Social Justice (Social and Cultural Perspectives in Counseling) and was taught by the other CMHC instructor. She has her PhD and is also the “program chair.”

My son was born during the final week of class (week 8 of 8), and it was a true nightmare of an experience. He was in the NICU for 10 days, and a part of me died during that time. OSU, specifically the CMHC instructor, was incredibly hostile and horrible to me throughout my pregnancy and birth. That is a story for another day.

There was a 6-week break between the summer and fall term. This was my “maternity leave.” It was a blur, but it was so lovely not to have school.

The fall term began on Wednesday, September 25th. I had Theory class from 4-7 on Tuesday (Theories and Techniques of Counseling I), Group class on Wednesday (Group Work for Professional Counselors), and Pre-Practicum (Counseling Pre-Practicum) on Thursday.

“Counseling Pre-practicum - Examines and develops competencies in basic counseling skills and processes. Integrates self-critiques, peer critiques, and supervisor critiques of counseling microskills.”

This class was taught by the two CMHC instructors. I was initially only able to get into the course taught by the instructor who was hostile throughout my birth, and I was bereft (she was also my faculty advisor). I asked if I could switch into the other section taught by the PhD student. It was a painful process, but I was able to avoid taking another class with the woman who antagonized me during birth. I considered this a win. Lol, if only I knew what would unfold. My faculty advisor was also able to be switched to my new pre-practicum instructor.

In this class, we practiced being counselors, and our peers acted as clients. This was to prepare us for Practicum, which would begin the following quarter. Practicum takes place over two quarters (only offered in the winter and spring). OSU’s practicum is at a free counseling clinic for anyone in the Central Oregon community. I think this is a wonderful resource, and it is one of the reasons I chose to attend OSU.

“Students must meet benchmarks on the following behavioral dispositions as rated by the Oregon State University Cascades Professional Dispositional Evaluation. Students must earn an average score of "3" or higher at the end of each quarter of COUN 511, 512 & 515. Otherwise, the student will receive either an Incomplete/No-Pass with Remediation or a "No Pass" in the course. For students enrolled in COUN 512 and COUN 515 who earn a No-Pass grade, the accrued direct and indirect hours across the term will not be counted.”

"Scale Evaluation Guidelines

N - No opportunity to observe

1 - Student's performance rarely or never meets the criterion expected for their developmental level

2 - Student's performance minimally or inconsistently meets the criterion for their developmental level

3 - Students' performance consistently progresses toward or meets the criterion expected for their developmental level

4 - Student's performance consistently exceeds the criterion for their developmental level”

I ended up getting 98.97% in Pre-Prac, but it’s worth noting that both Pre-Prac and Prac are Pass/Not Pass classes. We were evaluated on Professional Dispositions (which included 14 benchmarks, all of which I received a “3” on). We were also evaluated on our “Foundational Counseling Skills” (which included 17 benchmarks). I received a 3 on 16/17 benchmarks. I got a “2” in “Confrontation / Reflecting Discrepancies: The student demonstrates appropriate usage of confrontation or is able to therapeutically highlight discrepancies in the client's experience during real play sessions.”

Practicum began the second week of January. The class was offered 4 days a week. Monday from 12-7 with an adjunct professor we had never met before (this time didn’t work for my family). Tuesday and Thursday (from 8-3) were taught by the woman from who I took Pre-Prac from. Friday was taught by my Ethics professor (who was also acting as the interim clinic director). Friday also didn’t work for my family’s schedule. So I took Practicum with the same instructor who I had for Pre-Prac.

She was not my favorite instructor by any means. She had shown up to Pra-Prac consistently late, including once when she informed us she had just tested positive for Covid. However, considering she was the instructor for 50% of the Pre-Prac offerings and my schedule limitations, I had no real choice. And she wasn’t that bad (again lol to poor little naive me).

So I showed up to class on Tuesday, January 7th, ready to begin. I was intimidated because I would be seeing clients for the very first time that day! I felt so unprepared. We had only completed 2 quarters of school (6 classes total), but I was excited at the same time.

When I received my client assignments, I was surprised. One of my clients was highly acute but, as prac students, we were told that we would not be seeing clients beyond our skill level. We had not yet taken a course on addiction, trauma, or diagnosis. Why was I assigned a client who needed more help than I could offer?

The initial phone screen (completed in November) and intake session (completed in December) were done by an intern and signed off by the clinic director. Interns are in their second year of the two year program. We were encouraged to consult with the clinic interns throughout our prac course. The phone screen and intake session were riddled with red flags that this client was in need of higher care but what could I do? The clinic director had signed off on the appropriateness of this client, as well my direct supervisor who had assigned this client to me.

I completed my first session with my acute client but felt that they needed a more skilled counselor than myself.

Practicum (7 hours total per week) is scheduled as such:

• 2 hours of group supervision (there are 5 students and 1 supervisor)

• 1 hour of triadic supervision (2 students and 1 supervisor)

• 4 hours to see clients

After each session, we are required to put our notes in TherapyNotes within roughly 48 hours. Our supervisor reviews our notes and either approves them or adds comments for revisions. You cannot move on each week without your notes being approved. You can’t see a client the following week with unapproved notes. This means at the beginning of each new week, all of last week’s session notes are approved by the instructor.

In triadic supervision, we meet with our instructor with another student and “share tape.” All of our sessions are recorded (clients agree to this and are aware that this is a learning clinic). My colleague and I switch off sharing tape each week.

During week 2 (1/14/25), I share tape of my acute client. I share my concerns verbally with my instructor in front of my colleague. My instructor dismisses my concerns and tells me to watch Gabor Mate videos on addiction in my own time. My colleague and I take notes for one another when one of us shares tape. We send this notes to each other via email after triadic. I have a paper trail of all of my instructor’s feedback from triadic. Unfortunately, triadic supervision is not recorded.

During week 3 (1/21/25), my colleague shares tape from her clients. During week 4, (1/28/25) I share tape of another client. We begin applying to internship sites and I email my instructor asking if she will be a reference for me. She responds: “Thank you for reaching out and yes, I would love to serve as a reference for you.”

Week 5 (2/4/25), my college shares tape. My client’s status becomes highly acute and their needs escalate far beyond my abilities. At this point, I feel scared for my physical safety. Week 6 (2/11/25), I share tape of this client and my increased concerns during triadic. My instructor puts on a 5 minute Gabor Mate Youtube video.

I submit my concerns in writing for my week 7 reflection. My instructor responds: “Kendall, I appreciated reading your reflections today and some of the frustrations coming up about not feeling prepared. I can understand that feeling, especially as you continue to work with complexed clients with diverse problems. We can talk about this case as much as you would like in triadic.”

Week 7 (2/18/25) , the clinic intern asks how things are going. I share that things are not good. I use de-identified language to describe the situation. Multiple colleagues overhear this conversation. I do not break confidentiality. The intern is alarmed. He instructs me to email the clinic director about the situation, so I do ask I am told. He then decides to call the clinic director. I do not instruct him to do this. The clinic director agrees that this client is inappropriate for the clinic and should be referred out (although it’s worth noting that she is the one who initially signed off on this client in 2024). The clinic director says she plans to call my instructor during triadic that day. This catches my instructor “off guard” even though I have shared these concerns with her verbally and in writing numerous times. My instructor is mad that I went “above her.” This day marks a “rupture” in our supervisory relationship. Everything changes after the intern escalates my concerns and the situation completely devolves. Another colleague tells me she admires me and how I handled the situation. My stomach is in knots.

That night, my instructor emails me and says:

“Also, just a heads up to always give me an update about a client. [The intern] assumed you told me about the original email regarding this client and [the clinic director] also assumed I knew about why you reached out to her about this client originally. So, please remember you must copy and update me with all clients. Let me know if you have any questions.”

I respond:

“Regarding giving you updates – can you explain what you mean by “the original email”? I was talking to [the intern] about this client prior to triadic and he suggested I email [the clinic director]. He then decided to call her. I relayed this information to you as soon as I saw you in triadic. I also discussed my feelings about this client in the most recent weekly reflection.

She responds:

“Good questions, and I can go over roles and communication in group next week just in case others may also have some of these same questions. With the exception of regular scheduling notes with clients (which I supervise through you putting them on TN) Copying me on emails is one way, especially regarding something like this. So even if [the intern] advises to email [the clinic director], which is fine, make sure I’m involved since I am your direct supervisor regarding this client and will have to attest to everything with this client. Or before emailing [the clinic director], come talk to me first. Students are free to come to my office or text me about anything throughout clinic.”

I respond:

“Thanks for clarifying about communication. I will definitely cc you on emails and forward them to you as well! I apologize for not keeping you updated at each step.”

To be clear, I don’t think any of this is right. I did tell her numerous times about the situation and she dismissed me. She then informs me to always cc her on emails. She does not instruct any other students to start this behavior. I responded by saying that I understood her instructions as to always cc and forward client communications to her. If this was not what she wanted me to do, this was the moment to clarify.

Until I received these instructions, I had never forwarded a client email to my instructor. I changed my behavior to match her instructions on 2/18. I then forwarded client communications to her on 2/24, 3/5, and 3/10. My instructor responded via email by thanking me for doing so (and cc’d the clinic director).

I text the intern about my instructor’s retaliatory behavior, and he assures me I “did the right thing!”

The next day, I emailed the clinic supervisor to discuss the situation with her.

She responds:

“[The intern] let me know that this client is not currently attending the clinic for counseling because they are in other treatment. Is there something else still unresolved?”

I respond by describing the systemic breakdown and the safety issues this client assignment presented. I tell her that procedures need to be improved so that this doesn’t happen to other students. She forwards my concerns to the division head.

On Friday (2/21, 3 days after the “rupture”), my instructor informs me that she has gone back into my notes from the prior week and reopened them. As I said earlier, your notes from the prior week have to be approved to progress to the next week. She decided to go back into my week 6 notes and un-approved them with new commentary.

“I had to go back and review some notes in more detail and there are a couple that I had to reopen for edits. You will find some that are reopened for certain clients. In the actual notes, you will see brackets with feedback in them. They are next to specific areas that need changing in your notes. Please go back and make the changes and then resubmit for approval. Overall, to ensure that your notes are approved, make sure tentative language is used throughout the whole note and stay away from clinical diagnoses. We can go over this more on Tuesday if you feel like you need more support in this area.”

I wrote the following draft response:

“Thanks for the feedback. I will edit these notes and add more tentative language.

I see that you went back in and instead of adding feedback for corrections, you directly edited my past notes and moved them to drafts for client X (2/4/25 and 2/11/25). Is there a reason that this feedback was not shared with me when I wrote these notes? It seems that you have gone back in and re-read my notes with a more discerning eye now that I have surfaced concerns about this client and if they were fit to be seen by the clinic.

You say you noticed that I did not use tentative language and "had to go back and review some notes in more detail." However, I have not seen the client since 2/11/25, therefore I have not written a consultation note for this client since 2/11/25. The feedback I received on my 2/11/25 note was that I needed to de-identify people the client mentioned and add specific skills used in the interventions section, which I did.

Now you have gone back and added new feedback. It seems that you were motivated by my actions this week to go back and un-approve past notes that were previously approved. I just want to be clear because it appears that you have sent me this email to build a case that I failed to meet certain criteria to pass this class. I hope this is not true, but this is what I am interpreting.

Am I falling behind compared to my peers? If so, please discuss this with me in person. I do not want to be surprised to learn that I am not progressing at the pace that is expected of me.”

I didn’t send this because I didn’t want to be “unprofessional.” Here’s what I sent instead:

“Thank you for the feedback. I will update my notes to include more tentative language. Can we discuss further tomorrow?”

None of my colleagues have their notes retroactively un-approved.

We did not get to discuss further lol. During week 8 triadic (2/25/25), my instructor says “while she understands that the intern escalated the situation (and not me), she is just trying to keep her job.” I tell her that I am not trying to get her fired. I simply want what is best for my client and for my own safety. I want my client to get the support they deserve. I want to feel safe at school in a learning environment. I leave triadic crying and distraught. The intern’s decision has destroyed my relationship with my instructor.

I speak with the division head on 2/28 via phone. He apologizes for the situation, confirms the client assignment was inappropriate and assures me that my instructor wants to “make a repair.” Unfortunately, I didn’t think to get any of this in writing.

During week 9, my instructor asks to speak to me one on one before our next triadic session on 3/4/25. We speak for 10 minutes. She further grills me instead of attempting a repair. She says “so was it a competence issue or a safety issue?” I respond that it was both and if we are going to continue down this path, I’d like a third party to be present. I meant my triadic partner. I wanted a witness.

My instructor then cancels triadic and my colleague and I meet with the clinic director via Zoom (the intern is also present). I reiterate my retaliation concerns and both the clinic director and intern assure me that I did the right thing.

My instructor (who is also my faculty advisor) emails me on 3/10 informing me that I will have a new faculty advisor and that she will attend my evaluation meeting on 3/18 due to my request to have a third party present. My new faculty advisor was a school counselor instructor (also my Theory teacher from the fall quarter). I was excited because I felt like this instructor was level headed and rational.

Week 10 (3/11/25), I attempt to put this whole mess behind me and return to “normal.” Our instructor tells us that we will be receiving our evaluations for the winter term in the next week (before our final class on 3/18). She says that she “does not surprise people.”

At 7:30 pm on Monday, March 17th, I text my colleague asking if she has received her evaluations. She has. She got almost all 3’s. I have yet to receive mine. I say “she’s going to try to fail me.” My colleague responds “I don’t think she’s gonna try and fail you. That would be dumb for her and the program. And all your videos are recorded so you can show them to other people if she’s trying to.”

I email my instructor and faculty advisor asking when I will receive my evaluations. At 8:30pm, less than 12 hours before the final class I receive a fun surprise: I didn’t pass! At this point I have 100% in the class and the only “negative” feedback I have received is when she re-opened my notes and told me to use more tentative language.

In addition to the professional dispositions (which remain unchanged and there are 14 of them) and clinical skills we were evaluated 3 months ago on in pre-prac (again where I received all 3’s except for one 2), we are now evaluated on “Engagement in Supervision” and the skills are more nuanced and expanded (there are now 37 benchmarks including foundational counselor responses and navigating the clinical session instead of just 17 basic skills). She gave me a 2 on 11/14 dispositions and failed me on 19 of the 37 skills (17 2’s and two N’s). So overall she failed me on 59% of the benchmarks (30/51).

I began to hyperventilate. Again the top of the evaluation states:

“Students must meet benchmarks on the following behavioral dispositions as rated by the Oregon State University Cascades Professional Dispositional Evaluation. Students must earn an average score of "3" or higher at the end of each quarter of COUN 511, 512 & 515. Otherwise, the student will receive either an Incomplete/No-Pass with Remediation or a "No Pass" in the course. For students enrolled in COUN 512 and COUN 515 who earn a No-Pass grade, the accrued direct and indirect hours across the term will not be counted.”

So now all of my hours will not be counted. I won’t be able to proceed to my year long internship which begins in the summer. I am totally screwed. She said that by speaking with the clinic intern on 2/18 that I broke confidentiality. This is 100% false and not only can the clinic intern attest to this, but my colleagues can as well.

I email my instructor and faculty advisor asking for the clinic director and faculty head to be present at my evaluation meeting because they can attest to REALITY. I spoke to both of them AT LENGTH about my fear of retaliation and they both assured me I did the right thing. My faculty advisor informs me that if I want additional faculty to be present at the meeting, we are going to have to reschedule the meeting. This last class on 3/18 is the only class before spring break begins. I don’t want to delay anything. I need to get this fixed as quickly as possible because how else will I be able to finish practicum (which runs through two quarters, winter and spring)? I say “no need to reschedule.” MISTAKE!

I text my triadic colleague (who has witnessed everything except for the 10 minute 1:1 conversation on 3/4) and she can’t believe it either.

I looked at my tapes and noticed that she only reviewed 3 of the 13 I recorded and all three were of my acute client.

I don’t understand how on earth she can get away with this. All of my sessions are recorded. All of my assignments are in writing with her glowing responses. How can she just decide to fail me with absolutely no proof?!

Week 11, I show up for group supervision and a different colleague asks how I’m doing. I say “not good, I didn’t pass.” She says “that sucks.” NO IT DOES NOT SUCK. It’s actually just insanely WRONG and UNJUST. This colleague has seen me share tape in group and knows that I am an excellent student. The whole interaction is so insulting I can’t even.

Before my meeting, I shared my evaluation with the clinic intern and my other colleagues. The intern says that I should file a retaliation complaint with Equal Opportunity and Access (EOA). I tell him I tried reaching out to EOA when the other CMHC instructor was blatantly discriminating against me during my birth and they didn't do anything. My other colleague tells me that she is happy to corroborate anything I need for my paper trail. This touches my heart immensely! She is the only one who has acknowledged how wrong this whole thing is. This causes my triadic partner to begrudgingly say “me too. I mean, I know part of our role as counselors is to advocate, but based on the way you have been treated, I’m afraid of retaliation.” I’m so disappointed. She is my key witness! But honestly, can you blame her!?

I show up for my evaluation meeting filled with dread. I meet with my new faculty advisor 5 minutes before the meeting to ask if she has read my evaluations. She says she has. I say that I intend to file a retaliation complaint. I relay what my triadic partner told me about her fear of retaliation.

My new advisor assures me that even though I have not passed, my hours will still count. I just have to pass in the spring. The grade for winter is essentially just a progress report. This is so reassuring but still doesn’t give me a sense of how I’ll ever get back on track with this instructor (your teacher doesn’t change even though a new quarter starts).

My faculty advisor asks how I want the meeting to go. I say everything in my evaluation is false and I need to go though all of my documentation to refute it all. She says “okay the meeting can be five minutes, your instructor will read the evaluations aloud and then we will meet after spring break with you, me, the division head and the clinic director. How does that sound?”

“Sounds good,” I reply.

My instructor reads my evaluations aloud. I say “I plan to file a retaliation complaint with EOA.” My instructor snarls at me “Of course you are.” The meeting ends.

Woo time for spring break! lol psych!

An hour after practicum/spring term officially ends, my instructor emails me at 4pm with NEW allegation: she accused me of violating HIPAA by forwarding her the most recent client email. She cc’d my new advisor and the clinic director on the email.

10 minutes later, I responded by saying “I’ve attached our email thread where you instructed me to “Also, just a heads up to always give me an update about a client.” I put all correspondence in TherapyNotes but didn’t want anything to fall through the cracks, given our communication issues. I have been forwarding/cc’ing you in addition to TN since our 2/19 email, and you have responded by thanking me.”

That night my new advisor emails the division head and the clinic director to find a time for us to meet after spring break. She mentions that she will be traveling and unreachable through 4/5 so we will have to meet after 4/7.

The next day (3/19), the clinic director responds to the email about HIPAA and says:

“Just a reminder on HIPAA-compliance for clinic clients. It is not ok to forward an email or email chain when it includes any identifiable information or details about a client. Please use only the client number and copy/paste any correspondence you receive into Therapy Notes using either a Contact Note or a Miscellaneous Note. That way those of us with access to Therapy Notes can review what you’d like to go over but not have it go through email.”

The next day (3/20), I respond:

“Message received. I will NOT cc or forward any client email communications to [instructor] from now on. I will revert to how I was operating before the issue with client X on 2/18 (which was to exclusively put client communication in TN).

Given that [instructor] told us in group supervision that she “does not have time to read our notes in TN,” I thought over-communicating was the right call. I see now that it was not. My colleagues can confirm that this was said in group supervision and/or we can refer to the transcript from the lecture if it was used. We were confused and taken aback by this comment in lecture.

After 2/18, [instructor] went back into TN and unapproved previously approved notes that were written before 2/18. I believe this is retaliatory behavior. I have attached all email correspondence supporting why I over-communicated by cc’ing and forwarding.

Thank you for clarifying what has been a very confusing situation, [clinic director].”

I delete Outlook off of my phone in an attempt to protect my peace over spring break.

On Monday, 3/24, my triadic partner texts me: “Hey I just wanted to check in cause our schedule got changed. I hope your break is going good! Were you able to switch supervisors?”

I check my email to find this from my new faculty advisor:

“As I stated in our meeting on 3/18, the scores on your practicum skills and disposition evaluations prompt a performance review meeting. The purpose of this meeting is to discuss concerns observed by supervisors and faculty related to clinical skills and dispositions and to develop a plan of support moving forward. At a minimum, [other school counselor faculty member, not CMHC] and I will participate in the performance review meeting and remediation plan process. You can find more information on the remediation plan process in the MCOUN handbook. [Program coordinator] will send you a copy of the referral form via DocuSign.

Due to the number and nature of concerns documented and observed over the course of Winter term, the MCOUN core faculty have consulted and determined that a pause in practicum is necessary at this time. So that you are not charged tuition for spring practicum, please withdraw from COUN 512.

[Instructor] will contact your current clients and initiate the referral processes for each. If you have questions about that process, please direct them to [Instructor] and [Clinic director]. Please do not contact clients moving forward.

Please provide a few dates and times you are available to meet for roughly 60 minutes the week of April 7th. [Division head] will not participate in this meeting in his Division Head capacity. However, he is abreast of the situation, and you are welcome to contact him directly.”

MORE HEART PALPITATIONS. WTF!?!?! Removed from practicum!? WHY!? What in the world is going on!?

I respond:

“I am writing to express my concern and confusion regarding the recent developments in my academic progress. During our meeting on March 18th, you assured me that my hours from the winter term would still count and that we would discuss a remediation plan in early April. Now I am learning that I must withdraw from COUN 512 and that a pause in my practicum is necessary.

This decision is not only distressing but also devastating, as it will prevent me from graduating on time and completing my internship. I am deeply troubled by the lack of transparency regarding what changed in the past week to warrant such a severe action.

I urgently request a detailed explanation for the sudden change in my academic status. I am shocked by how suddenly this has transpired, and I need more information on the remediation process. I will reach out to [Division head] separately as he was initially involved in addressing my concerns about the client assignment.

I appreciate your immediate attention to this matter, as it has significant implications for my academic and professional future.”

I get auto responses from the division head and my new faculty advisor as everyone is OOO on spring break!

I cancel my spring break plans and instead spend it reading the Master of Counseling and Practicum handbooks - FUN!

I send a follow up email on 3/26:

“I am writing to express my concerns regarding the decision to dismiss me from practicum and to seek clarification about several procedural inconsistencies I have observed. Based on the OSU-Cascades Master of Counseling (MCoun) Student Handbook, there are specific steps that must occur before dismissal can be considered. In my case, these steps appear to have been skipped or mishandled, which undermines the integrity of the process and raises serious concerns about due process.

1. Referral Form Date and Signature I received the referral form on March 24th, but the form is dated March 20th and remains unsigned. According to the handbook, referral forms must be completed within seven calendar days of discussing concerns with the student, and they must include a signature to confirm the accuracy of the content shared.

2. Informal Resolution The handbook explicitly states: "Prior to entering the formal remediation process, faculty members should communicate any concerns they have directly to students. Instructors or site supervisors who have concerns about a student should communicate those directly to the faculty member who serves as the student's advisor via a written summary of their concerns."

What Was Skipped: Concerns about my performance were never raised. I consistently received positive feedback in triadic supervision, assignments, and evaluations before March 17th.

1. Performance Review Meeting The handbook outlines: "Performance Review meetings are scheduled by the student's advisor only after the MCoun Referral Form has been received. The meeting must be attended by the student and their advisor. In some cases, the individual who expressed the concern may attend; if the advisor expressed the concern, then another impartial program faculty member should attend as well."

What Was Skipped: No performance review meeting has been scheduled (April 8th is the last day within 14 days of submitting a referral form). I would like to meet as soon as possible and can accommodate any date and time necessary. Instead, I was abruptly informed on March 24th that I would not be continuing with practicum without any documented performance review meeting or explanation.

1. Development of a Remediation Plan The handbook specifies: "If it is determined that a remediation plan is needed, it will be developed at the end of the performance review meeting or during a follow-up meeting (e.g., in cases where more information is needed). The remediation plan will be initiated by the advisor, developed with faculty in attendance at the meeting, and documented via the MCoun Remediation Plan form." Additionally: "The purpose of remediation is to provide opportunities for students to address noted performance concerns and develop or enhance knowledge, skills, and/or dispositions."

What Was Skipped: Despite assurances during our March 18th meeting that remediation was possible and my hours would still count unless I received a final "Do Not Pass" grade after Spring quarter, no remediation plan was ever developed or shared with me. I was removed from practicum entirely without being given an opportunity to address concerns through structured support as required by policy.

1. Remediation Plan Follow-Up The handbook states: "The student's advisor will coordinate and lead the follow-up meeting to examine progress toward completing required remediation activities, and all individuals in attendance at the meeting where the plan was developed should be present."

What Was Skipped: Since no remediation plan was developed, no follow-up meeting occurred to assess progress toward addressing concerns.

1. Insufficient Progress Leading to Withdrawal The handbook specifies: "If insufficient progress is made toward resolving identified problems, faculty may recommend withdrawal from practicum or dismissal from the program." This step occurs only after all prior steps—including informal resolution attempts, referral submission, performance review meetings, remediation plan development, and follow-up—have been completed.

What Was Skipped: I was dismissed from practicum without being given an opportunity to demonstrate progress through a remediation plan or follow-up meetings.

To summarize: Before dismissal can occur: Informal resolution must take place. Concerns must be documented via a referral form within seven calendar days. A performance review meeting must be held within 14 days of submitting a referral form. A remediation plan must be developed during or after this meeting. A follow-up meeting must assess progress toward completing remediation activities. Only after insufficient progress can withdrawal or dismissal be recommended.

In my case, these steps were skipped entirely or inconsistently applied. I learned that I was not passing the class at 8:30pm on Monday, March 17th (12 hours before the last day of class before spring break). On Tuesday, March 18th, I was assured that the proper remediation steps would be followed. On Monday, March 24th, I was abruptly informed that I would not be allowed to continue my practicum course.

I need an explanation for why these critical procedural steps were bypassed and how this dismissal can be justified when it clearly violates the program's own policies. My academic future and career path are now in jeopardy because of this decision, and I need to understand why the program is disregarding its own established protocols in my case. This dismissal from practicum prevents me from graduating on time and has serious professional consequences that require urgent attention.”

The other school counselor faculty member responds the next day saying that my faculty advisor is OOO and the earliest she can meet is Tuesday, April 8th. Why I’m meeting with two school counselors who do not engage with practicum (as this is exclusively for clinical mental health students), is still a mystery.

I respond:

“Thank you for your response and for acknowledging receipt of my messages. I appreciate your willingness to schedule a meeting to address my concerns. However, I need to express the urgency of this situation, as the deadline to drop classes without financial penalty is April 6th.

Given that I have been informed I will not be continuing with practicum, I need clarity on what the program is suggesting for my future. Practicum is only offered in the winter and spring terms, and without practicum, I cannot progress to internship (scheduled to begin in June 2025). This effectively means I will not graduate on time in June 2026, which has significant academic, financial, and professional consequences for me and my family.

Additionally, I am deeply concerned about the lack of due process and adherence to program policies in how this decision was handled. The allegations against me are entirely unfounded, and several critical steps outlined in the OSU-Cascades Master of Counseling (MCoun) Student Handbook, ACA Code of Ethics, and Oregon Board standards were bypassed or mishandled. These include:

• Failure to attempt informal resolution

• Late and unsigned referral form (received March 24th but dated March 20th)

• No performance review meeting held within the required timeframe

• No remediation plan developed despite assurances on March 18th that remediation was possible

• Abrupt dismissal without opportunity to demonstrate improvement

This decision has completely disrupted my life, including my ability to complete the program as planned. I have invested significant time, finances, and personal sacrifices into this program. The lack of clarity regarding my academic future is causing immense stress and uncertainty.

I respectfully ask:

1. What is the program’s proposed path forward for me?

2. Should I drop my remaining spring courses before April 6th to avoid financial penalties?

3. How does this decision align with program policies and ethical guidelines?

I would greatly appreciate answers to these questions as soon as possible so I can make informed decisions about my next steps before critical deadlines pass. If an earlier meeting date is possible before April 8th, I would gladly accommodate any time that works for you and [faculty advisor].

Thank you again for your attention to this matter.”

The division head responds that “While I recognize that you have been advised to drop COUN 512 in spring term, no decisions about remediation—or any potential program adjustments—can be finalized prior to this meeting. The program is committed to ensuring that any determinations about next steps occur in accordance with the procedures outlined in the handbook and through the appropriate faculty process.”

WTF!

I respond:

1. How did we go from [Faculty advisor] requesting a meeting with [clinic director], yourself, and me on March 18th to learning on March 24th that [clinic director] and you are no longer involved? Instead, [new faculty advisor] and [other school counseling instructor]—who do not have direct context about what occurred in practicum—are now tasked with reviewing my performance.

2. Why is the referral form unsigned by the individual making the allegations (instructor)? According to program policy, the form must be signed by the person submitting the concerns before it is shared with the student.

3. If the plan is to "pause" my practicum rather than terminate it, why was I instructed to drop COUN 512? I have reached out to the Registrar about the possibility of a late withdrawal without financial penalty. However, this means I will be paying for a class that I am not allowed to attend. How will this be addressed?

4. How will this pause impact my ability to meet program requirements, including internship eligibility and group projects scheduled for April 9th?

---

He responds with a word salad that doesn’t answer any of my questions. I ask why no concerns about my performance were documented or shared with me throughout the term.

He says: “My understanding is that the evaluations submitted during winter term were based on observable and measured dispositions, skills, and/or behaviors. Areas with scores below the benchmark will be addressed through the remediation process. If you disagree with the evaluation results and/or final grade assigned, you can follow the Grievance Procedure and Appeals process outlined in the MCoun Student Handbook…

The program cannot require you to delay registration, and I acknowledge that the previous communication was made in error. Nevertheless, because your enrollment in practicum for spring term has been temporarily excused to allow for a thoughtful remediation meeting and process, the clinic had an ethical obligation to reassign clients in order to ensure continuity of care.”

I ask more critical questions, “Could you please clarify who will be present at the April 8th meeting besides [faculty advisor/school counselor] and [other school counselor] Given the serious nature of this situation and its potential impact on my academic future, I would like to know if I am permitted to bring a support person to this meeting. The handbook is not explicit about this matter for remediation meetings, and I want to ensure I understand all options available to me.

Based on your recommendation, I will drop COUN 512 (practicum) before the April 6th deadline while remaining enrolled in COUN 573 and 576. However, I need to understand: if it is determined during the April 8th meeting that I am dismissed from practicum and not allowed to re-enroll, will I be reimbursed for COUN 573 and 576, as these courses would no longer contribute to my degree progress? This is a significant financial concern that requires clarity before the drop deadline.”

He completely ignores my request for a support person and says “[The two school counselors] will be attending the meeting. While they will address specific areas of the evaluations that fall below benchmark, their intent is to approach the conversation with compassion, impartiality, and collaboration in identifying a constructive path forward to support your counselor development…

The intention of the remediation process outlined in the handbook is to support your ongoing development in the program. At this time, nothing would prohibit you from remaining enrolled in your other courses to continue progress toward the MCOUN degree.”

Nothing prohibits me from continuing to pay OSU for classes that are non-refundable and ultimately useless if I am not let back into practicum??

The day before the financial drop deadline, I send one final email informing the division head and the two school counselors of my predicament:

“I am writing to inform you that due to the lack of substantive responses to my previous inquiries and the ongoing uncertainty regarding my practicum status, I am compelled to withdraw from all three spring courses (COUN 512, 573, and 576) before the April 6th deadline.

While I was instructed to drop COUN 512 with the possibility of re-enrolling after our April 8th meeting, I have received no assurance of reimbursement for COUN 573 and 576 if I am ultimately not permitted to continue with practicum. As these courses are part of a sequential program and would not contribute to my degree progress without practicum completion, I cannot justify the financial risk of paying tuition for potentially unusable courses.

I want to emphasize that this decision is not my preferred choice but is necessitated by the circumstances. The current situation, where I've been removed from practicum activities without adherence to the remediation procedures outlined in the handbook, has placed me in an untenable position.

You have acknowledged that the program made errors in this process, yet I am bearing all the consequences for allegations that I contend are unfounded. I plan to refute each item on my evaluations with evidence at this week’s performance meeting.

I remain committed to resolving this situation as quickly as possible. However, I cannot maintain enrollment in these courses given the significant uncertainty about my program status and lack of reimbursement guarantee.”

My faculty advisor (who hasn’t responded to a single email since she’s been out of the country) responds on 4/7 saying by dropping these classes I violated the continuous enrollment policy and am no longer a grad student. JOY!

I spent all spring break going through emails, TherapyNotes, re-watching my tapes, and creating a detailed timeline of the term. I am prepared to disprove every allegation in my evaluations during my meeting on 4/8. However, upon arrival, the school counselors inform me that it is not their role to examine the basis of my evaluation. They are not involved in practicum. They are only there to offer a “remediation plan.” But the remediation plan is based off of the failing benchmarks (which are untrue). So my two choices are:

1. Accept the allegations as true and come up with a remediation plan so that I can get my 30 failing benchmarks up to par. This will take a long time as there are so many failing benchmarks.

2. Appeal the allegations through the academic appeal process, which will also take a long time.

“So that’s it then?” I say through tears. “We are here to come up with a constructive, collaborative plan” they respond. I inform them that I plan to file an academic appeal - what choice do I have? They later email to tell me that I “refused to participate in creating a remediation plan.” This is straight up bonkers.

And thus marks the end of my graduate school education.

I have tried to file a retaliation complaint. It was denied:

“The conduct you have alleged would not constitute prohibited conduct as defined in the Retaliation policy, even if proven.

a. While you cited that you experienced retaliation by [instructor] after you reported concerns about a client, reporting concerns about a client is not a protected activity under the Retaliation Policy.

b. While you cited that [clinic director] told you that you had violated confidentiality by forwarding client emails, which was a directive you were given by [instructor] after you cited your intent to file a report of retaliation with EOA, [clinic director] did not appear to play a role in your course evaluation or status within the program based on the information you provided. Additionally, [instructor] had previously included information citing that you had breached confidentiality in a separate incident [when I shared my concerns with the clinic intern], in your course evaluation, which you were provided before your expressed intent to report to EOA.

c. While you cited that [instructor] fabricated or grossly exaggerated performance concerns in your evaluation as a form of retaliation, you had not engaged in a protected activity or stated your intent to engage in a protected activity prior to her issuance of the evaluation. Additionally, your report identified that this was a part of a scheduled evaluation cycle and, therefore, was consistent with the manner and timing of evaluation of other students in your same program.”

I have appealed this denial:

1. Procedural Irregularity

EOA misapplied OSU’s Retaliation Policy by narrowly defining “protected activity.”

• Policy Violation: The Retaliation Policy protects individuals who “oppose conduct reasonably believed to violate university policy.” My concerns about client safety and program violations (raised 1/14/25 and 2/11/25) constitute protected opposition under this standard.

• Ignored Timeline: EOA failed to address the direct escalation of adverse actions after I raised concerns:

  • 2/13/25 session notes from 2/11 session with client were approved by [instructor]

  • 2/18/25 had a conversation with a second year intern I mentioned my concern about a de-identified client’s needs being beyond my skills. Intern reports my concerns to [clinic director]

  • 2/18/25 [instructor]reopens my 2/11 session notes and makes notes and suggestions. This action deviates from the typical process and was very confusing to me. [instructor] changed her behavior toward me and my work after that date.

  • 2/19-20/25 sent email to [clinic director] asking to meet. Got a reply of ‘what is still unresolved…’ I replied with the my safety protocol concerns and was told to meet with [division head].

  • 2/25/25 I attempted to apologize and explain I did not want it to escalate as it did during triadic meeting. [instructor] acknowledged I did not initiate the escalation and that the intern, did then stated ‘I’m just trying to keep my job.’

  • 3/4/25 – triadic meeting was only [instructor] and myself – deviating from the typical protocol of 1 supervisor/2 students we had been following up to that date. When I requested a third person in the meeting, [instructor] ended the meeting, my triadic supervision was canceled. I met with [clinic director] later in the day and relayed my concerns that I was being retaliated against by [instructor].

  • 3/10/25 I was reassigned to another advisor who was not a mental health counselor and familiar with their program. The only reason given was concerns about the ‘dual relationship’ between [instructor] and myself. This seemed like a disingenuous concern given it had been this way since the start of the term.

  • 3/17/25: Sudden failing evaluation with no prior warnings.

  • 3/18/25: New confidentiality allegations (from [instructor], not [clinic director]) introduced after I stated my intent to file a retaliation complaint.

  • 3/19/25–4/8/25: Dismissal without due process or remediation.

EOA’s dismissal incorrectly claims my actions were not protected and ignores the retaliatory timing.

1. New Evidence

The following clarifies factual inaccuracies in EOA’s dismissal:

• Confidentiality Allegations:

  • (my instructor) accused me of breaching confidentiality on 3/18/25.

  • [instructor] claim that I violated confidentiality in a separate incident (speaking to an intern) is false. I used de-identified language, which is standard in clinical training.

• Documentation:

  • Attached emails (3/17–3/18) prove [instructor]’s role in the evaluation and retaliation.

  • The program handbook (pp. 17–19) requires remediation before dismissal, which was denied.

This evidence directly contradicts EOA’s dismissal rationale and demonstrates retaliation.

1. Conflict of Interest/Bias

Director of Investigations, oversaw both my initial accommodation process [when I was pregnant and they refused to accommodate me] and this retaliation complaint, creating a clear conflict of interest.

• [Director of Investigations] undermined impartiality, as the same office that mishandled prior concerns dismissed this complaint.

• This structural bias violates OSU’s commitment to fair process under Section J.4 of the Resolution Process.

Request

I ask that EOA:

1. Reassign this appeal to an impartial investigator unaffiliated with prior decisions.

2. Reopen the complaint and conduct a full investigation.

3. Review attached evidence (timeline, emails, handbook excerpts).

I have tried to appeal the retaliatory grade. The appeal process requires that I send my appeal to first to my instructor (who obviously denied it), then to the program chair (the hostile CMHC teacher who ruined my birth), then to the department dean. Last week, the dean said:

“Dear Kendall,

Thank you for your appeal and sharing your concerns. Attached is your completed appeal form, including the decisions from both [CMHC who ruined my birth] and me. I have reviewed your submitted materials, considered the processes followed by the program, and consulted with Dean [redacted] in the College of Education. Based on my review, it does not appear that you were dismissed from practicum. Rather, you were temporarily excused from participating in Spring 2025 practicum to allow for a formal performance review and remediation process in response to the Incomplete–No Pass grade you received in Winter 2025. This process appears to be consistent with the guidelines outlined in the MCOUN Student Handbook.

I am upholding the program’s decision and denying your appeal, as the process followed does not constitute a procedural violation and reflects a developmentally appropriate effort to support your growth as a counselor-in-training. Per the MCOUN Student Handbook, you may further appeal this decision with the Office of Graduate Education.

Warmly,”

It’s the way they all sign off “warmly” after saying “go f yourself!” lol.

I’m appealing this to the Office of Graduate Education but what’s the point? It’s over. I need to release this chapter of my life and move on.

I could (and will when I cool off from this new fresh rage) write another essay on my birth and how OSU ruined it but that’s a story for another time. So that’s the tea. Please don’t ask how grad school is going. I am no longer in grad school. I was…kicked out? I sacrificed so much. I paid $20,000 to be systematically ignored and belittled. Trying to become a clinical mental health counselor destroyed my mental health.